shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
