dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
