Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize