I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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