i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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