Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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