Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
