I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
