Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
