All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
