Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
