I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
