Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
