she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
