yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
