It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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