I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
