whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
