I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
