oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
