thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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