The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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