Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
