Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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