I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
