it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize