Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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