SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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