I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize