what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
