Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
