I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So here I am, sexting at work.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
