Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
