Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
