He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
