i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize