why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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