your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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