the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
