My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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