my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
