Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
