Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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