I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
