Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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