so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
