I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
