Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
