I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it was like eating out sand paper
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
