Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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