i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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