You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
