Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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