i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
