there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just google imaged poop.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
