garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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