I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
