My sheets look like a crime scene.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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