Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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