Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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