No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
