Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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