A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
