I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
