how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
