The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize