fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
the liver wants what the liver wants
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize