we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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