I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
