I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't deserve a penis
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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