I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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