Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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