She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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