His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
