put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
