Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
