my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
