Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
