Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
