You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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