He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
tell me about the eggs
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize