how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
