bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
