end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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