well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
