I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
