I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
