dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
