sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
