I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
