I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
