I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
