I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize