my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
