His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
