Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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