my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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