He is an equal opportunity slut.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize