So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
