Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
