We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
