If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
