Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize