I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
