yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize