Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
