We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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