it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
