So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
