He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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