I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize