Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
