I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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