Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
