I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
