My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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