so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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