She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize