its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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