The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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