Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
